▼ [ How long does it take for you to finish a drawing? ]

Depending on complexity. I'm actually quite fast when I'm not in pain.

▼ [ What health issues do you suffer from? ]

I don't have a specific name for everything since I only have enough money after a certain number of hospital visits. And my problems aren't really straightforward so I'll try to describe things the best possible.

Joint/nerve/tendon pain (?). Started with my wrists and right arm around 2019. In early 2020 it started getting worse and radiates to my whole arm. You can imagine it's like a really bad sore after getting a vaccination, nearly every day and it gets worse after activity, or with a certain position. Typing hurts a lot, so I won't be communicating much.

I've always had problems with my knee joint/caps back in high school but it was very minor. Around mid-2020 it's got worse and slowly affect both of my knees which affect my walking. I can't run nor climb the stairs without hurting myself. They would occasionally have radiating pain just like my arm and wrist. I went through multiple tests and the doctors aren't sure what to diagnose me because on paper things seem okay. All of my test results and measurements so far don't reflect any health issues despite me being in agony nearly every day.

They also suspected it might be caused by stress or mental illness, so I was sent to the psychiatrist. I did get diagnosed with anxiety and secondary depression but after trying out different antidepressants medications it lead me nowhere and even made things worse so the doc recommended me to stop and keep observing. (sertraline, duloxetine, fluoxetine).

I also have jaw pain and soreness that can radiate to my neck and back. It makes it hard for me to chew food or talk, and I've also stopped listening to music due to noises also straining my ears/jaw. I suspect this to be TMJ but I haven't done any further tests or understand why it's there. If it's only just pain, I can probably get used to it, but when my muscles and joints are sore, it feels like I have no strength to control my movements as well.

Maybe all of my musculoskeletal pain are related, maybe each area is caused by different things, I do not know, the doctors do not know. So... please don't ask me too much I really don't know. And before you offer me any advice, please consider that I've probably thought of it and either it didn't work or my situation doesn't allow me to do it.

I have intestinal issues and eye strains. I also have a few nodules/tumors in various places of my body I have yet to get a biopsy for, bc it's rather invasive... But there's one pretty big in my chest so I'm planning to remove it when I get the chance, not now though.

▼ [ What are you up to now? ]

Nothing much, I dropped out due to my health issues. Currently just getting by, I guess. I'm doing commissions to help support my partner who is battling stage 4 cancer.

▼ [ What graphic program do you use? ]

Autodesk sketchbook.

▼ [ If you're in pain, why still draw? ]

It's painful but it's still in my grasp. You see how limited my life is, if I stop enjoying the little number of things I have left I'd probably go insane haha. Plus, as I said, I'm doing my best to support my partner.

▼ [ Do you have proof of your partner's cancer? ]

Ofc, just contact me and I'll send you medical paperworks.

▼ [ Tell me more about your partner/you guys? ]

Oh... ok it's gonna be long so strap your seat belts, here we go.

He's a really tall Slavic dude with red hair and really bad social anxiety. Dude's a big puppy and anyone who hurts him is on my permanent hit list.

His biological parents were abusive and they abandoned him. His mother even stabbed him in the rib which nearly killed him. His adoptive parents have both passed away, he's been by himself for years, and still suffers from the mental disorder caused by his traumatic childhood.

He got handed a really unlucky genetic deck and his entire life is just surviving one adversity after the other. We're not idealistic, before his cancer diagnosis, we already know his life expectancy would be short because of his genetic disorder/defects. He suffers from asthma, neurological issues, spinal problems, allergies, intestinal problems, neurodegeneration in general (things like Alzheimer's will likely be a problem we'll deal with in near future). His hospital trips are weekly if not daily. He's gone through more surgeries than anyone I've known.

I can go on and on about what he goes through on a daily basis, and with all that, he still had to work to support himself. He lives alone, it pains me to not be able to be there with him.
I tend to put him on call to read books for him, but now he's too weak for us to do that, and when we finally can, he'd pass out during calls because of pain or breathing issues. Whenever he goes under an operation all I can do is hope and stay close to my phone, because he has no one beside him and that means if something happens to him, no one would update me.

I admire him so much and love him even more, he's resilient, he's kindhearted, he's always sweet despite all the adversities he's been through. He always tries to help others, he rescues animals, and even when his health is at stake he still tries to cover for people's mistakes at work. He writes to me every day saying how much he loves and appreciates me. I don't understand why the people around him treat him like shit. I don't understand why life is so unfair...

I'm so tired and burnt out already, I can't even imagine how much more he would be.

I wish I have time to update people who are kind enough to check up on me personally, to de-stress and bawl my eyes out every now and then, but I can't, I have things to do. So I'm gonna do what everyone else does which is detail my life story and cast it into the void.

Thank you for reading this far, as for current updates, he's going through chemotherapy. Doctors removed tumors near his heart and other places in his chest but there's still more spreading (bc it's lymphoma, really aggressive too). They've removed half of his lymph nodes which means that his immune system is quite weak. We'll see how things go.